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February 9, 2012 / philosophermouseofthehedge

Your Audience Granted.(Quickly, now.)

Again?

Sigh.

One must, I suppose, make allowances.

Do not expect eye contact.

I am quite capable of listening to inconsequential prattle while engaged in more serious tasks such as continuing a mental debate over which feather I wish to obtain from the Tribute Avians flown in for my perusal and selection.

Now what is you request? Briefly. Don’t dawdle.

Some diplomatic issue?

Territorial negotiations.

Not a suitable topic for discussion. You have permission to withdraw.

Oh, you brought a mousie gift. Place it here, by my paw.

We are not amused.

It has an odd colored tail.

Please remove it.

We cannot be bribed. Certainly not by defective mousies.

The very idea.

You may relay that Our demand to move the barrier gates to the entrance of the long hall is non-negotiable. In our graciousness and as a show of good faith, We are willing to concede the kitchen, dining room, and living room to the other party. Out of kindness and benevolence, We will only retain the sunny window rooms, the study (necessary in order to maintain a firm paw on the business of the realm),  and Our grande suite with amusing views.

Cease that shuffling.

Why are you approaching unbidden?

Why, yes, Greenies are always welcomed.  

But be aware, we accept them only as a token of friendship.

Now, back to the issues at paw.

Wait. By my whiskers, there’s a delectable morsel, I mean, a delicate sight: that bird on the bush there. Intriguing, do you not agree? As an honored guest, you may open the window. You will enjoy this. I will gently nudge that loose corner of the screen and invite that remarkable creature to enter our residence.

It will be entertaining, trust me.

No, you demur?

Well, it is probably for the best.

Too much excitement for a delicate creature such as yourself.

Still, we would think fondly of your service if you would simply assist us by opening that window.

Considering the concessions you seek, it would be wise to curry our favor.

Open my window, and open your hall? Stranger things have occurred.

We suggest you meditate on that.

This audience has become tiresome.

Before you leave, that mousie, the odd one -

May as well leave it behind. It would be less than gracious to refuse a gift, no matter how poor it is. Perhaps said mousie can be reconsidered and gain favor in times of great need; during a mousie drought.

Audience over. Our paw has waved.

Fini. 

And don’t forget to leave an open can of food in the doorway as tribute.

Adieu.

I am RC Cat and I approve this message.

Related post: : And you are here, why? (Click sidebar tag RC Cat or pets)

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57 Comments

  1. dogear6 / Feb 9 2012 3:40 am

    My cats liked to also remind me that in ancient Egypt they were considered gods.

    Nancy

    Like

  2. Sarah Harris / Feb 9 2012 3:50 am

    Love the first shot! I am a lucky gal who has 2 cats who let me live with them!

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Feb 9 2012 3:29 pm

      The cats are probably glad they chose you. Feel honored,… sort of….Thanks for pawsing to stop by

      Like

  3. PiedType / Feb 9 2012 4:43 am

    Ah, cats. The most intriguing owner a human could have.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Feb 9 2012 3:31 pm

      It’s always interesting with them around….are they sleeping or plotting? Enjoyed your observation

      Like

  4. Kourtney Heintz / Feb 9 2012 4:53 am

    This is why I have a dog. So much simpler to understand. :)

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Feb 9 2012 3:33 pm

      And dogs are perfectly willing to snatch up fallen bits of food and count that as snacks! So congenial…sigh.

      Like

  5. Sunshine / Feb 9 2012 5:10 am

    Ha! RC Cat, you are filled with . . . um, er, filled with . . . charm! That’s it! Charm! :)

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Feb 9 2012 3:37 pm

      RC Cat: “You are smiling when you say that? (I know where you keep your shoes….)You are dismissed while I ponder this comment, but I will rise above in any case and issue Thanks for paying appropriate adoration.”

      Like

  6. Laura / Feb 9 2012 5:25 am

    Like you, I’m a terrible cat owner, always bringing the wrong mousie or opening a can of yesterday’s favorite food instead of today’s.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Feb 9 2012 3:40 pm

      RC Cat: “It is so hard to collect good help these days. Sigh. But as you recognize your limitations, I will award one soft paw to cheek…and you may scratch my chin. Now. Appreciate your response.”

      Like

  7. jannatwrites / Feb 9 2012 6:06 am

    RC probably couldn’t care less, but I think he (she?) is a beautiful kitty. I hope RC is able to get you trained on proper pet care and acceptable interactions!

    Like

  8. Bongo / Feb 9 2012 6:49 am

    RC, you and Scratchy are two of a kind. That’s okay though. While you are being your very much cat selves, the German and I are going out for walks with our people.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Feb 9 2012 3:55 pm

      RC Cat: “Oh, cheri Bongo. We welcome your attendance. Stuffed somewhere in the royal residence is a lovely kitty holster by CrazyKFarm.com (quite exclusive – not those big box common versions). It is surprisingly snug and comfortable – although it does smush my fur. So I am allowed in the backyard occasionally to view my outlands and to let my neighborhood subjects adore me at close range. But you are correct that I leave the strolls to those more appreciative of them. By the way, the German gives a paw wave …we are in negotiations concerning the long hallway. Bongo, you are eyeing that mousie…

      Like

  9. CATachresis / Feb 9 2012 9:59 am

    RC is exhibiting what we might call contrived ennui. Are we fooled? yep!

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Feb 9 2012 3:57 pm

      RC Cat: (Yawn.) “Excusez-moi. Oh, so glad you responded to the summons. We are please. Thank you.”

      Like

  10. rumpydog / Feb 9 2012 11:32 am

    ROFL! You certainly got that royalty role down pat RC!

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Feb 9 2012 4:08 pm

      RC Cat: “Ah mon ami Rumpydog. So thrilled you arrived. Please sit and we chat…not too close…and I see you placing that paw over our mousie. Still, welcome.”

      Like

  11. Ally Bean / Feb 9 2012 12:48 pm

    Delightful! So accurate re: cat as royalty. Love the idea of a “mousie drought.” Very funny.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Feb 9 2012 4:40 pm

      RC Cat: “So glad you found it amusing. We wish our subjects to be happy. We graciously approve of your small chat.”

      Like

  12. robofrog / Feb 9 2012 1:18 pm

    Cats! Ya gotta love ‘em. The ultimate benevolent dictators. :-)

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Feb 9 2012 4:10 pm

      RC Cat: ” People are more content with limits. Someone must take that role. It is always a challenge, but we are charitable towards lesser creatures. You are so kind to stop by.”

      Like

  13. Snoring Dog Studio / Feb 9 2012 2:05 pm

    Yes, I could never own something as complicated as a cat. I haven’t the time for those mind games!

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Feb 9 2012 4:12 pm

      Ah, yes, dogs are so much more clever in their mind control – but they are just so comforting and happy! Enjoyed your insight into cat brain.

      Like

  14. Jeannie / Feb 9 2012 3:01 pm

    Cats–the big fake-out! Yet, I sit at their feet and wait. :)

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Feb 9 2012 4:28 pm

      RC Cat: ” Of course you do. It is as it is designed. You may observe quietly…and scratch my chin….to the left, now….enough.Your attendance and devotion is noted.”

      Like

  15. MJ, Nonstepmom / Feb 9 2012 3:10 pm

    I am so enraptured by my cat because I study her – hoping someday to master her skills. If she can rule a household, just imagine the possibilities……

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Feb 9 2012 4:33 pm

      RC Cat: “We are the Zen masters. You may attempt to approach our understanding of the universe, but do not be discouraged as you are, after all, human. I will award a soft purr in your direction in approval of your desire for improvement and diligence.”

      Like

  16. My Ox is a Moron / Feb 9 2012 3:33 pm

    My two favorite cats were a mother and son.

    The mother was possibly a Russian Blue that showed up on our porch during a horrible storm. She was 11 months old and pregnant. She was sweet, demur, proper, regal and loving to her owners. She weighed maybe 6-8 lbs.

    The son was born only a couple of months after mother adopted us as her new family. He was huge from the start. So big that I had to help deliver. By the time he was 6 months old he was bigger than his mother. He topped out between 25 & 30 lbs. His paw was the size of the palm of my hand. He was snobbish, bossy, mischievious and none to hygenic as an adolescent. My favorite was when his mother (half his size) would pin him down and give him a bath. Every time he started to struggle she would growl at him as if to say, “If you would do this yourself I wouldn’t have to.” He would grumble the whole time like any teenager forced to endure an embarassing parent.

    R.C. seems to be a combination of my two cats. Not to shabby.

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Feb 9 2012 4:37 pm

      RC Cat: (Sigh) “Royal children often tend to be such a trial. It takes a firm paw to train them for their future roles. Glad your household seems to be running smoothly. Thank you for assisting my distant relatives.”

      Like

  17. jwms1 / Feb 9 2012 7:43 pm

    Very nice post, your highness!

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Feb 9 2012 8:19 pm

      RC Cat: “Your kind adoration is graciously noted. You may extend your hand for a soft paw pat.”

      Like

  18. jmmcdowell / Feb 9 2012 11:30 pm

    I will bow graciously as I walk past and wish you sweet dreams of mousies and greenies.

    Like

  19. ceciliag / Feb 10 2012 1:42 am

    (Outright laughter) .. (still giggling) That was Delicious!! really funny.. thank you for that i needed a good belly laugh! c

    Like

    • philosophermouseofthehedge / Feb 10 2012 1:49 am

      We have our own little funny farm here…..wait that didn’t sound quite right…funny little farm? Glad you got a giggle.

      Like

  20. Danlrene ©2011 / Feb 10 2012 5:20 pm

    I always enjoy your posts so much. They are so entertaining. :)

    Like

  21. The Hook / Feb 10 2012 7:04 pm

    Very intriguing post from the animal kingdom!

    Like

  22. robpixaday / Feb 11 2012 10:02 pm

    Hahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    ♛♛♛♛♛♛
    Splendid!

    Like

  23. shoreacres / Feb 12 2012 4:42 pm

    During the recent King Tut exhibit in Houston, this sarcophagus of Prince Thutmose’ cat was on display.

    Even Egyptian royalty knew their responsibilities, apparently.

    Like

  24. BuddhaKat / Feb 12 2012 10:45 pm

    Namaste, RC Cat…
    sincerely,
    BuddhaKat

    Like

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